INTO THE MIST: JOURNEY INTO DEMENTIA

My book is here!

I told my writer friend Nikki that I felt a certain thing, something like post-partum depression--like giving birth and suddenly holding in your arms this baby and realizing that you know nothing at all about raising children.

I know nothing at all about being a published author. I never thought about being an author. I am not what one would consider a "writer." Not in the sense that writers think of themselves. Writers write--they can't not write. They love to write. Nikki can't not write--she writes on her blog nearly every day, if not every day.

I journal. I have always journaled because journaling puts the wild and crazy thoughts vying for attention in my mind, onto paper and as I put them onto paper, they seem to sort themselves out and I am able to see things clearly. Most importantly I am able to see Jesus in them, as he sorts them out. I asked Him to do this while John was sick; please Jesus, sort through this for me--it is way beyond me. He did. He does. Beth Moore humorously asks the question of her husband, pointing to her head, "Do you know what it is like to live in here!!!" That is how I feel sometimes. Believe me, you don't want to live in here.

So while John was sick I journaled everything because his dementia invaded my house, my soul, and turned everything into a maze of confusion. It invaded his soul; it took his soul into a netherland of long dark alleyways; places I could not go. I could only hide in Jesus during that journey, and found that He was enough--He was all I needed. You never know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have.

Now that season of my life is out there ("live" as the publisher calls it) and everyone will see that I am a mess, that I don't have it all together. They will see that even though I may speak to women's groups, teach Bible studies and do conferences in Honduras, I am still a mess. But my strong desire with this book is that I will fade into the background with all of my fear, panic and hysteria and people who read this book will see Jesus, standing calm, undisturbed, patient, as He carries this messed up little lamb in His strong and capable arms, and that indeed, somewhere in the midst of it all, His strength is being made perfect in my weakness.