Shachah (Fall Face Down)

In Hebrew, Worship is the word "Shachah" which means to "fall face down."


This morning, early, face down in worship, I surrendered another of those things to Him and His presence enveloped me. Words fail when attempting to describe those moments, and so I will resist the urge to even try.


It started on Saturday. I was faced with a temptation. Jesus has been ministering His plans for my life and my decisions for awhile now, beginning with the financial trials during John's illness. He beckoned me "Will you trust Me? Even with this?" "This" was my "no water" situation at the time. No income, not for six months. I resisted the urge to fix it myself, because He told me that this was from His own hand and it was for a training of His faithfulness into my life. I trusted and for six months, He provided, above and beyond what I needed. I ended up with $500 when it was all over and I received our first disability check. In myriad ways, He has brought me to this place again and again since then and I am in awe of His provision and especially the ways He seems to delight in surprising me with it. Still, I trust the "Provider" and love Him, more than the provision.


Now, as my "husband" He is training me in this trust. It has to do with money and possessions; it has always been this way. I tithe and pay my bills, but what is left over is mine to spend as I like, right? Then why, when he has provided over and above what I need to be comfortable, do I end up with more month than paycheck?


This weekend, I was given the opportunity to have this training put to the test. I have been coveting a little white Honda CRV. I had a CRV and loved it, but sold it along with John's car when Jesus told me to sell both cars and have only one. This was so that John, who had to give up driving and was refusing, would not have as many opportunities to drive, and it worked; much as he hated it, he had to give up driving and he accepted that the selling of his car was ok. Shortly thereafter, he began having the seizures and was "ordered" to give up driving. It was a huge thing, for John loved to drive, and I loved driving with him.


So the car I had purchased was a nice, 2006 Altima, but in the way back recesses of my heart, I longed for another CRV. And now, there it was, priced way too affordable. My son wanted to buy my car at fair market value, and he did all the wheeling and dealing for the CRV. In the end, I would only have to come up with $4,000 "out the door" to have it.


But I had no peace.


I sought the Lord, but there are times, you know, when you hear from him, but choose to believe that it was your imagination. He has been training money decisions into me, and I have been learning so much about what I "want" and what I "need" in the process. He has not deprived me of anything, not even the silly things I want, but this time He seemed to be saying something and it was my choice whether I listened to Him or to my "wants."


You see, as a widow, I now must make all these decisions through my "Husband" Jesus. I have to ask myself, if John were alive, would I be making this decision independent of him? Well, I did that, or at least I knew how to manipulate the situation so that he thought it was his idea and he would go along when I wanted something that we couldn't really afford. I was quite good at that.


But this was Jesus. Would I attempt to manipulate Him so that I could get what I wanted? That was the big question before me this weekend.


He has been telling me to pay off everything (which compared to people deep in debt, isn't much), and He has made a way for me to do that. Pay off the little debts before you add more to it. The question then shot through my mind, Do I need another car? Is the car I now have serving the purpose? Is it in need of repair? Does it require repairs? The answer of course is a resounding "NO"! Did God provide it? Yes He did.


So, this morning, I woke very early--4:30. I wanted to snuggle down into my big warm comforter and go back to sleep but felt compelled to get up. In fact, I nearly bounded out of bed--rare to have that much energy so early in the morning.


With my steaming cup of dark roast coffee, sitting in my favorite rocker in my little office, I turned on my ipod to worship music before I opened my Bible. There is a tremendous storm brewing outside, the wind is howling and it is cold, but in my little coccoon where I go to meet alone with Jesus every morning, it is a warm glow of golden light, and He is very near. I always know when He wakes me early and rouses me out of a warm bed, that He has something important to discuss with me, or to pray through me. This morning was no different and as I listened to Paul Wilber singing "Dance with me Lord" and reading 2 Chronicles 7:3, as Solomon dedicates the new Temple, the people all "fell to the ground" and worshipped. Shachah--fall face down.


I did.


And I had my answer from Him. No, I would not buy the much coveted little shiny white CRV. I would offer it back to him as an act of worship. For that is what worship is, an offering of everything we are, have and desire. We think it is standing in Church listening to beautiful music singing with hands raised, and that is certainly a part of worship. But Abraham, as he was taking that long painful walk towards Mt. Moriah with his only beloved son, to offer him to the Lord, told his servants that he and the lad would go on alone and worship. His offering of this most beloved and precious thing in his entire life, his long-awaited son, was worship.


I would not manipulate my Husband and cajole Him into letting me have this thing. Not this time.


I learned some years ago while reading Daniel 1 that Daniel and his friends refused to eat of the King's delicacies in obedience to the Lord, and a few verses later it says that the Lord added to them wisdom. I heard Him say to me, "You see, the reward for obedience is not things or possessions or even that you will become great and have great favor. The reward for obedience is wisdom. When you choose to obey Me, I will add to you My wisdom."


It was a powerful lesson and has stayed with me.


And just to make sure that I got this lesson this morning, reading a little devotional booklet written by Max Lucado, it said:


"If you believe, you will get anything you ask for in prayer" (Matthew 21:22).


"Don't reduce this grand statement to the category of new cars and paychecks. Don't limit the promise of this passage to the selfish pool of perks and favors. The fruit God offers is far greater than earthly wealth. His dreams are much greater than promotion and proposals.


"God wants you to fly. He wants you to fly free of yesterday's guilt. He wants you to fly free of today's fears. He wants you to fly free of tomorrow's grave. Sin, fear, death. These are the mountains He has moved. These are the prayers He will answer."


"New cars and paychecks..." sometimes, in very serious matters of the heart, He also makes me laugh!


Shachah.