Hide in Him!

I have a good friend who owns a large and very beautiful house on the 18th hole of a golf course. This friend has offered me the use of her house when she and her husband are out of town, if I just need a place to get away from it all. I have found myself in a pretty difficult place emotionally for the past several weeks and I found that their travel plans coincided with my desperate need to get out of my own environment and spend time alone with the Lord. There were things I needed to sort out; very big things, things which I couldn’t get my mind to wrap around, especially with all the distractions at my own house. It sounds strange to say that just driving a few miles away to another house would give me the opportunity to clear my mind, but that is exactly what was needed. Once there, it took a few hours for me even to get to a place where I wanted to think about it. My emotions have been absolutely battered by these recent family upheavals and I had to hear from Jesus—I had to hear truth, not the many lies the enemy was shouting at me. I had to hear truth from the great Shepherd of my soul, not the voice of the butcher of the sheep, even as he spoke through other people, sounding like truth. In my friend’s house, I turned on the TV, another futile attempt to drown out the pain I was feeling, and in the dimly lit downstairs TV room, shutting off the TV, I simply cried out to Jesus "Please sort out these things for me because I can’t!" And, I heard Him speak to me, "You can let this all go. You really can let go of it and give it into My hands." It sounds so simple doesn’t it? Let it all go? But it is not simple and anyone who tries to tell you these things are just as simple as speaking the words have never been in deep emotional turmoil where everything is shifting under your feet. In fact, I had spoken the words, over and over, but my heart was clinging tightly to the thing and I wanted only for the pain of it to go away.



For some reason, this time, it was the voice of the Shepherd, speaking directly to my heart, giving me full permission, relieving me of all of the feelings of failure and inadequacy and fear, and replacing it with His peace. Peace flooded my soul. One by one, I started giving Him all of the things that were hurting my soul—something which I thought I had already done—but this time, it was different. This time it was a revelation from Him that everything that I had been wrestling with since last summer were now fully out of my control and He was holding me through it all and He had plans much bigger than my finite mind could reach.


About that time I heard a loud howling sound, very close outside and went upstairs to go out on the deck to see, and as I stepped onto the deck, I saw a coyote romping off towards the pines on the other side of the green and its dinner, left behind by my intrusion, one lone leg of a rabbit! It was right there next to the little gurgling brook, and as I looked out at the pines, I suddenly heard that little brook and smelled the pines and the sun was shining brightly onto the deck and it was very warm and brilliantly light. I was just filled with amazement again at God and His creation and the simple ways He answers and shows Himself. I have been so engulfed in the events taking place in the members of my family, that I had not been able to see Jesus through it.


Nothing changed in the circumstances, but something changed in me.


I heard Him telling me that my "life is hid with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:3) and I heard Him telling me that even though I knew I couldn’t fix the things that were going on, and wasn’t even trying to fix it, I had continued to protest to God reminding Him that the thing was just hurting me so much—what do I do with the pain it was causing me? God seemed to be uprooting so many of my family relationships over the last year and my heart hasn’t caught up to it just yet. On Friday afternoon, when He dragged me out to the deck I was finally able to even let go of the pain and then crawl up into His arms and be loved and comforted by Him. It is difficult to attach mere words to my experience out on that deck, but one thing I know—there was a healing that took place in my heart that day.


God is up to something big here, not with me only, but with so many others I talk to. I see Him working to set us free from long years of emotional bondage to old family stuff. Once those "spiritual ties" are cut, not only we, but those we have been emotionally tied to, will be free from it. I have had to go through this process now with others in my little tight circle, and though the process is like a sort of amputation of the emotions, at the end there is only Jesus, and so, it is worth it.


He is worth it.